Perfectionism
The need to be perfect is a trait found in the gifted. While not seen in all, it is known to be in many who are identified as gifted. While it might seem that the obvious solution is to just accept that no one is perfect, just like procrastination, the reason determines what is done with that perfectionism.
In fact perfectionism can be good. It allows a person to strive for quality work instead of half-way attempted work. Perfectionism only becomes negative when it leads to negative effects such as anxiety.
It’s Always Been Easy
One of the causes of perfectionism can start as a young child. That person is used to doing things perfectly with little effort. One day this begins to change, and suddenly the ease of completing tasks is not there. Instead of striving for completing the task well, the focus becomes completing the task perfectly. The focus becomes the perfection and not the task.
At the Start
Still for others whatever is created or put on paper has to be perfect the first time. Much time and effort is put into the thinking so that it is right. If there is a doubt, then nothing is put down.
Focusing on Being Gifted
When a person is constantly told that they are smart, a person’s identity and self-worth becomes being smart. Making a mistake could mean that they are no longer smart, and what would people think of them if that happens? Being perfect means keeping up a perceived image, not quality work on a task.
Black and White Thinking
This involves thinking in extremes. There is either perfection or failure. No middle ground exists with this type of thinking. When a mistake is made the person sees themselves as a failure. Mistakes=failure and not mistakes are something to learn from.
What Can You Do?
Create moments of challenge at a young age so they can learn how to work through challenges. When the challenge becomes difficult or your child fails to complete the challenge don’t rescue them. Rescuing them teaches them that they cannot do hard things, furthering the anxiety with perfectionism. Worse, your child might stop trying.
Teaching that mistakes can be moments of learning help reframe them. The question of “What would you do differently next time?” allows your child to learn that mistakes can lead to growth.
For some kids, they need to have a “practice” copy where mistakes are expected for an assignment. After the “practice” copy, the final copy is completed.
Remind them that their identity is more than being gifted or smart. Think of other things that they are good at, beliefs, etc. and remind them of these things.